Your Going To Be Okay

WOW, did God hear my inner pleas today?

Witnessing divine intervention in your life when you need it most is truly overwhelming.

Many of you know how we, as a family, advocate for mental health awareness. We believe it's wrong to hide and cover up our struggles. Instead, we strive to be open and honest to raise awareness, help others, and ensure that those who suffer don't feel ashamed and forced into hiding.

This year has been a season of growth for Tuscany. Still, it's also been a season of realising that being a Christian doesn't automatically grant one understanding, compassion, kindness, and forgiveness. This has been an enormous learning curve for us. We've also learned that we can't always behave as we do without facing consequences or loss. However, we've gained insights and growth by finding our authentic selves through these challenges. When we stop masking and trying to fit in, the self-harming stops.

We are very open about this journey. It has days of wins, but equally, there are days when we wake up, and our world is turned upside down by self-hatred, loathing, and shame, feeling like there's nothing to live for.

Anyone who knows someone with mental health struggles understands the toll it takes not only on the individual but also on those who have to watch.

Today was one of those mornings. Each time Tuscany attempts to rise above and overcome her challenges, she's met with setbacks from those who do not understand or care. This week, she had another unexpected setback, which took her down so severely that it felt like we were back in that dark place from a year ago. She hasn't been able to get dressed or do her hair for daysthings we all take for granted as regular routines.

Getting her to church today seemed impossible, but we couldn't leave someone who self-harms at home alone. So, I said she had to come in the car, even if she couldn't go inside the church. While in the car, I put on Lauren Daigle's music. In the past, her words have resonated deeply with Tuscany. Unknown to me, she has a new song, "BE OKAY." As we drove, it felt like I was singing those words directly to my sweet child who lives in so much pain. I thanked God for knowing exactly what was needed.

When we arrived at church, she was reluctant to go inside, ashamed of her appearance. I insisted she come in, and later she thanked me so much for that. Once again, God heard my plea. The service was powerful, I don't think I've cried so much in one service. It felt as if they had looked through the window into our lives.

We hope to raise awareness and let others know they are not alone by sharing our story. It's okay to feel pain and struggle, and it's okay to seek help and support. Shame can only grow in hidden places, so let's bring everything into the light, embrace our true selves, and heal through love, compassion, and understanding.

In my line of work, I see all too often how patterns of behavior can affect our growth and potential. There's a slippery staircase downwards when it comes to shame. Here are the key points we learned about shame and its impact:

Sense of Inadequacy: As seen in Genesis 3, where Adam and Eve felt nakedness, shame can lead us to avoid questions and answers in our lives. This sense of inadequacy makes us feel exposed and vulnerable.

Cover-Up: To hide our shame, we might immerse ourselves in helping others excessively or develop unserving habits. We might fill voids with behaviours that don't serve us well, masking our true feelings.

Fear of Intimacy: Shame can cause us to alienate ourselves from others and avoid social situations. We build fortresses around ourselves, hurt others to protect ourselves and end up more isolated.

Camouflage Effect: Shame is a hiding place, creating a fracture between us and our blessings. We may use and abuse substances or behaviours to cope, making it hard to face the world.

Potential Cap: Shame stunts our growth and caps our connection to others. This safety mechanism, intended to protect us, ultimately hinders our personal development.

Hide and Seek: Shame leads to disconnection and fear of others and our creator. We become convinced that we are unloved, no matter how much others try to convince us otherwise.

Despite how disheartening this sounds, there is always a way up. Pastor Bethany gave a beautiful analogy today about kids climbing up slides. Here's the crucial lesson:

Don't Accept Shame as Your Truth: Shame can only grow in hidden places. To heal, we must confess, accept all parts of ourselves, and experience and feel all our emotions, even the uncomfortable ones.

Healing Through Love:

What heals shame is love. We must find our safe people and remove those who aren’t supportive. Christ has given us the armour of light. We need to offer ourselves self-compassion, kindness, empathy, and respect.